


Experiments: A HTTYD Drabble Anthology

by Chromosomefarm



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Anal, BDSM, Drabble, Fluff, Humor, Masochism, Multi, NSFW, Porn, Rough Sex, Sadism, blowjob, butt stuff, straight - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-27 03:41:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5032384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chromosomefarm/pseuds/Chromosomefarm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here's where I'm going to drop various little NSFW stories. Probably mostly Hiccstrid, but perhaps with some surprises!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Blowjob

“I kind of want to BITE it.”

Astrid puffed, amused, into the too-hot space between them, hunched in that focused, somewhat ominous curiosity as she had perhaps four or five times previously, parting Hiccup’s tunic from his waistband like the lid of a treasure chest and reverently, greedily examining that strange toy she’d found there with a firm grip and cold fingers.

Hiccup swallowed nervously, biting his lip and squirming, trembling as he resisted the temptation to buck into her grip.

“BITE it??” His thighs tensed against her at the thought, though it would take far more than that prospect for his little nail-hard Viking member to balk. “You could… lick it, if you wanted… But I’m not so sure about, ah, biting.”

Astrid’s nose wrinkled in that way she had. “Why would I want to LICK it? It’s all… oozy.” In spite of that, she gave it a careful stroke, which made Hiccup all but whimper as he focused his entire tiny self on her with a watchful eagerness he couldn’t quite keep hidden. She snorted, amused. “I bet it’s sort of… chewy.”

“Astrid…” he croaked. He wished he could make himself protest further, but he could barely speak between hoping she wouldn’t stop playing with him and hoping he wouldn’t ruin it all as he had the times before with his sudden ejaculation.

He supposed it must not have bothered her TOO much if she kept wanting to mess with it, though. The bruises she dealt him were a small price to pay for the tingly, fuzzy, throbby feeling of being her plaything even for a moment.

He didn’t want her to BITE it, though… He wasn’t sure about the way she was looking at it, examining its tender freckled velvety belly and licking thoughtfully at her teeth.

“Astrid– Astrid… please don’t, it'll–”

He sucked in a breath as she bent in, and he felt the poker-hot tips of her wet teeth close gently around the side of his shaft, his face twisting into a wince as his penis gave a longing twinge in her firm, tongueless, mechanical grip.

It did hurt, a little. But not in a bad way. He was much too dizzy with the new heat and essence of her humid breath and lovely-smelling hair in such close proximity for the sting to be anything short of delightful.

“Ah– Ouch…” he managed to gag out, staring in awe as she drew up again, smiling. His little prick twitched, its sides traced in tiny lines of now-icy saliva. 

She puffed, amused. “See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” She took it in her grip again before hastily releasing it again. “Why does it always… drool like that??” She wrinkled her nose, wiping her hand off on his thigh, and then trying in vain to dab the wet tip of him dry with the corner of his tunic.

“I’m sorry, it's– you’re TOUCHING it,” he mumbled, watching her very closely. “Do you–” He swallowed hard. “Are you going to… bite it again?”

She biffed him gently on the arm. “I thought you didn’t want me to bite it?”

“Uh…” He wasn’t sure what to say, or whether to nod or shake his head, so he just made a sort of squeak and continued flushing bright red.

This seemed to pique that predatory interest he could not resist abut her; his insides tangled in bliss as he watched her consider disemboweling him with an agonizing eagerness.

“Maybe,” she mumbled, continuing to try to wipe him dry, “if it stops being gross.”

“It isn't… so bad,” he offered, hesitantly. “I mean, I’m not the only one in the world who gets, um, damp, you know. It’s because you’re touching it…”

“Blegh,” she muttered. Her NOT touching it, however, to his delight, seemed to be out of the question. 

Thankfully she didn’t, or couldn’t, wait on the impossible, and sliding his foreskin up as far as it would go to try to stop the leaking as best she could, she bent once more and sank her teeth gently around his shaft again, this time right over the tip.

“Mmmnnn–aohh!!” Hiccup twisted, her mouth humid and hot, feeling the sliiiightest brush of her tongue against him even though she’d tried to draw it away. Indeed if it hadn’t been for the sharp pinch choking him, he unquestionably would’ve found himself shooting straight down her throat right then.

Yet somehow he remained in this delicious, dangerous limbo, feeling cold, so cold, his prick throbbing as if trying to reach for her as she drew away again, shivering as she clumsily let her mouth bump against his tip on its way out.

Hiccup watched, enthralled, as she reluctantly bit at her moistened lip. Maybe she… tasted him?

“…Is it… bad?” He swallowed nervously, watching her face tense, her eyes flick up to his again.

She hissed softly, glaring dangerously as if daring him to react unfavorably. “No.”

Hiccup hastily adorned the appropriate hint of terror in his expression, though it was like his entire body was throbbing with his eager, heady heartbeat.

All said and done, he hadn’t expected her to dip in AGAIN, this time munching almost hungrily at the side of his prick as she chased up the new fat droplet sliding down it, this time painting him with hot-to-ice saliva that made him choke in surprise.

Astrid promptly cuffed him in the ribs for sounding too pleased, even as she drew her tongue searchingly across his tip. She gave him a sharp nip. “Quit making it weird!”

“S-sorry,” he mumbled. “I can’t help it… it feels… I mean, it IS weird. Y-you’re the one who wanted to bite it!”

She glared viciously, though was ultimately unable to tear herself from the task of chasing back the next droplet of crystal syrup he oozed, using slightly more nipping teeth than was necessary. “It feels all twitchy and funny in my teeth! I just wasn’t expecting…Ugh!”

It was uncanny, really. It was all Hiccup could do to try not to make a sound as she licked up those droplets, first hesitantly, with her nose wrinkled in disbelief and a grudging amount of scraping teeth, then with an increasing smoothness and eagerness, as if his own gross nectar had put her under some kind of spell.

Indeed Hiccup half-wondered if she’d sort of forgotten it was attached to him, that she was tasting him, that he could feel each rough lick and nip tingling like electricity through him, building to a point where he couldn’t help but whimper through his teeth, and squirm, trying to figure out what to do with his hands that wasn’t flat out yanking her tight against him; his hands flailed helplessly, first tangling in parts of her hair and then flapping along her ears, neck, shoulders like wounded butterflies.

Distractedly, one of her hands shot up to meet his own, knotting up in his fingers and pinning it to his thigh. Her eyes flicked away from their focus to narrow at him as she drew away for a moment and paused, leaving him a poor twitching mess, his penis giving an angry flick, gushing again as if to prove her work was futile.

“How much more do you have??” Astrid snorted in disbelief, smearing it thoughtfully in her fingers.

He swallowed, twisting in agony. “I don't… I, ah, I’ve gotta… Please keep– keep doing that…”

“It’s not pee, is it?” She stiffened suddenly, skeptical.

“N-no!! No, but I might– um, you know. If you keep… I mean, I-I want you to keep…”

“Oh,” she murmured, somewhat more hesitantly, with an evaluating sort of look into his helpless red face.

“Is it…awful?” he choked, worried.

She sighed, hastily looking back down, her large ears red. “…You’re sort of… sweet. Actually.”

After a beat, the unlapped droplet and the prospect of a mouth too occupied for awkward conversation proved sufficient distraction, and she found herself drawn back to the task somewhat reluctantly but also with a sort of determination, flicking her tongue up his trembling length and drawing… his tip… inside… nibbling as she tried to suck him from the source.

This was the point at which he couldn’t resist a greedy buck of his hips, an open-mouthed gasp, his nails digging into her hand. She was surprised; she gagged, and though the feeling of him trying to climb down her throat was not altogether pleasant, her eyes narrowed in a sort of satisfaction regardless and she sucked back all the stronger.

Getting him to do funny things like that was why she played this game at all, of course. It was immensely entertaining how this expressive, adorable little organ of his could drive the stubborn greedy animal out of him.

“AstridAstridAstrid–!” Hiccup wailed, squirming, feeling her hot sloshy mouth now locked tight, tongue and teeth all around his sensitive, twitching head, feeling her tracing along each minute detail and trying to suck him dry. “Oh gods, Astrid– I’m gonna, I-I’m –”

He’d simultaneously attempted to give her fair warning and prevented her escape with a tight grip of her hair, quaking too much with euphoria to even feel her retaliating nip against his throbbing little prick as it coughed into her gagging throat, forcing her to sneeze up part of his explosion of thick, creamy seed.

Likewise he hardly felt or cared as she shoved away and he melted back onto the grass, twitching and warm and throbbing, underbits cold and wet and limpening and tender. His arms were too heavy to tuck it away just yet.

He squinted up at Astrid as she rose over him, unable to read her expression. Everything was red and warm and fuzzy and he didn’t think he could feel more happy, more sleepy. He moved his mouth, trying to thank her, or proclaim his love for her, or something, but he just sort of gasped like a drunken fish.

Keeping her mouth shut tight, Astrid wiped her nose grudgingly and gazed down at the stupid dweeb, considering. Such an interesting game this was.

She bent, then, and kissed him.

That seemed to bring him somewhat to his senses.

“Aw– aw!! Pffeh! Astrid!!” Hiccup squirmed onto his side as he found his mouth filled with something quite a bit like seawater, though far thicker, perhaps a bit more bitter, and certainly much more Hiccupy, most of which he swallowed down quite impulsively. He squinted up at her in disbelief

She swallowed too, the prospect far more palatable now that she was sharing the burden. “That was kind of my thought, too,” she confessed, giving him a playful biff on the shoulder and yanking up his pants for him. “It seemed like it was especially important that that ended up in someone’s mouth for some reason.”

Hiccup sighed, stretching back onto his back. For Thor’s sake. “…Thanks, Astrid.”

She chuckled. “You’d better not mention it.”

As if he could now.


	2. The Taper Drift

“You’re making that up!” Astrid huffed in disbelief.

“We are NOT making it up,” insisted Ruffnut. “GOBBER taught us how! Gothi needed some Terror seeds to make some gunk for Tuff’s infected toe.”

“It was super gross. Sort of cheesy,” Tuffnut chimed in with relish.

“Gobber taught you to… stick a buttered taper up a boy dragon’s BUTT to make his seeds come out??” Astrid reiterated incredulously.

“How else would you do it?” Ruff pointed out. “It’s not like you can just grab one and JERK him.”

“Even when its little buddy ISN’T all up in there, they don’t really like it much if you yank it,” Tuff confided regretfully. “Cruising to lose some fingers that way. Isn’t pretty.”

“Oh, I see,” Astrid shook her head, and continuing sarcastically, “but they DO like having things shoved up their–”

“Dude, they get to JIZZ,” Tuff butted in, as if this was obvious. “Of course they like it.”

“It’s hilarious!” added Ruff. “And it works on stuff other than Terrors, too.”

Astrid’s face twisted in disgust. “You– tried this on other animals?!”

“Sure! Needed yak seed once for my rash,” mentioned Ruff. “And boar stuff–”

“–For my burn,” finished Tuff. “Sheep stuff… Squirrel stuff… Gronckle stuff…”

“– Why!?” blurted Astrid.

“Mostly boredom after a while,” confessed Ruff. “You should try it sometime. It’s really, really funny.”

“I can’t believe you guys! That’s really… disgusting!” She really couldn’t believe it; though as far as lies went it was rather sophisticated for the twins. Equally astounding was the number of Gothi’s potions that apparently required semen. Gross.

Tuffnut snorted after her as she started to walk away, shaking her head skeptically. “Telling you! You’re missing out.”

Ugh! Just ugh! Did someone… KNOW they were doing that? Shouldn’t someone stop them?! Astrid gave a shake of disgust, making a beeline to Gobber’s shop.

As bizarre as it all was, she wouldn’t exactly put it past Gobber to know that kind of weird trick, and she intended to have the air cleared on this matter immediately.

But to her dismay, Gobber was nowhere to be found.

Instead, she found Hiccup, perhaps the last person she’d hoped to run into with this kind of awkward thing grinding in her craw, and even more infuriating, perhaps, was the fact that he was so involved in whatever he was tinkering with that he failed entirely to acknowledge her.

“Where’s Gobber?” she interjected, causing him to start and drop his tools in surprise.

“Hi– Astrid!” Hiccup hastily bent to retrieve his things before they rolled away. “He’s having… intestinal troubles. Got into another one of those stupid raw gulls’ egg eating contests last night.” He eyed her cautiously for only a moment before turning back to his work. “What’s up? Is something wrong?”

Astrid sighed, trying to straighten out her demeanor, folding her arms as she tried to relax against a post. She needn’t have bothered; Hiccup seemed much too involved in what he was standing over to evaluate her too closely. “Nothing much. I just had a… question about dragons to ask him.”

She probably could’ve phrased that better; Hiccup didn’t look up, but she could tell his interest was piqued even as he frowned down at some niddly minute metal apparatus.

“Oh, a dragon question?” He tightened a part with a slightly uncomfortable amount of force. “Nothing you could ask me, I guess?”

“Mm…Well…” Astrid considered, biting her lip. “It’s kind of awkward.” For some reason she couldn’t put her finger on, the prospect of asking HIM about this particular matter made her feel a hint of uneasiness, but then again Astrid was the sort of person who was inclined to go ahead and take the shot. She shook her head in dismay. “See, the twins were telling me this crazy story, saying that Gobber taught them that they could get the seeds out of a boy Terror… ugh, by sticking a buttered taper up its butt.”

Hiccup’s eye automatically flicked to his box of taper drifts of varying shapes and sizes. “Oh!” He puffed with distracted amusement. “What, you’ve never had an infected toe?”

Astrid stiffened in surprise, lowering an arm to push herself straighter. “You mean it’s TRUE?? You’ve got to be kidding!”

“It’s true!” he reassured her without looking up. “That was your question??”

“It's– TRUE??” She pushed herself up to stand. “But they said they were doing it to all sorts of animals– yaks, sheep, dragons…!”

“Oh man, that does not sound advisable,” Hiccup chuckled, biting his tongue, tilting his head from side to side thoughtfully as he considered, still engrossed in his project. “I guess it could work though. It’s because there’s this, um,” he cranked something thoughtfully as he spoke, “sensitive organ male animals have that happens to be really easy to reach through the butt for some reason.”

Astrid blinked. “…Seriously?”

He shrugged. “That’s how Gobber explained it.”

Astrid leaned slowly back against her post, shaking her head in awe. “That… sounds like quite a bit of a design flaw to me.”

“Can’t say I disagree with you there,” he replied, squinting as he adjusted something with tweezers.

“Hmm…” Astrid blinked.

A certain thought had hit her, and she wasn’t sure how best to utilize it.

“Hiccup…” she started slowly. “So, are you saying it would work on– ?”

Hastily she caught herself.

“Huh?” said Hiccup, clearly more out of obligation than investment, as he continued tweaking his device.

“Nothing,” she replied, pushing away from the post once more, face twisted into a determined frown. Hiccup might’ve been able to tell her an answer, but at this point she didn’t think she’d be satisfied until she’d seen it for herself.

Thankfully Hiccup was too busy to pay her much mind as she stalked through the shop, searching first for the proper instrument.

“So,” she asked, watching him carefully as she poked through racks of tools. “If I were to try it on something bigger than a Terror, would it be better to use a bigger tool?”

“Of course,” answered Hiccup, pulling a bolt from between his lips and starting to fasten it on. “They have to be able to feel it. Just about anything will work as long as it’s not too rough or sharp. And it has to be long enough to keep hold of.”

Astrid nodded, selecting a smooth old taper drift about an inch at its thickest, with no threatening sharp edges.

“Why do you have to butter it??” she asked, eying Hiccup’s abandoned lunch on a nearby stool. Idly she began to roll the tip of the weapon on a bit of buttered bread.

“Lubrication. Makes it easier to, um, slide it in.” Hiccup’s nose wrinkled, but it seemed more related to his task than the conversation.

“Oh, I see. Because it’s going IN where things usually go OUT.” Astrid lifted the drift and examined it, making sure it was evenly oiled.

“Exactly…” He put down his tools for a moment to consult a chart, apparently too busy to think too hard about why she would be asking.

Astrid found that his preoccupation had proved rather convenient for her purposes, making him easy quarry. Hiccup wasn’t even aware of where she was until he felt her arms close swiftly and firmly around his middle and heft him backward.

“Oooof! Hah-Ah! Astrid!!?” He was too surprised to even squirm much, almost more concerned about making sure his work didn’t get tugged off the desk with him before he even thought to grab back at her arms. “What are you… doing??”

With a grim focus, Astrid took him back in a precision Sleipnir Shuffle and pulled him down with her as she sat back on a nearby stool. “I thought you might like to help me with an experiment.”

“An… experiment??” Hiccup exclaimed in bafflement, as she shoved his top half forward, tugging his thighs back on either side of her so that he was flipped sort of upside down, his pelvis securely balanced on her lap. “Maybe if I knew what– KIND of– Oof!” He swallowed suddenly, realizing he DID know. He just hadn’t been paying enough attention. “Oh no… No, no, no, w–wait!!” 

“I’m not going through the trouble of chasing down some poor animal to try this out when I’ve got a perfectly good boy right here, am I?” Astrid snorted, looping her legs over the small of his back to keep his head and chest pinned to the floor. He was such a good, floppy toy.

Hiccup bit his lip and squirmed, wishing he could turn his head enough to see what she was doing up there. “I’m happy you don’t want to torture animals. I guess you could say I’m a bit concerned for m-myself though.” She had him so expertly pinned that he could barely move, and he knew at this point he was more or less helpless to her whims.

“What, you think it won’t work?” Astrid puffed, flipping back his coat and pushing his tunic out of the way so that she could find the waistband of his pants.

“I’m actually a smidge more concerned that it… WILL, um, work,” he confessed.

“I can tell,” Astrid smirked. She gave his little prick a playful squeeze where she could feel it hardening in his pants, a state it would rather reliably take any time she had him in a good grapple. “So what if it works? You can’t help it if your body’s built all stupid.”

“It just doesn’t seem very… um…manly…” he managed, lamely, shivering. He knew it was a weak argument, coming from HIM, but nonetheless he knew that it was the primal root of his discomfort. 

“Hiccup, if it works on big strong rams and bulls and bull-Gronckles, I really don’t understand why it wouldn’t be ‘manly’ if it worked on YOU.” She gave his buttock a slap. “But it might not work,” she pointed out.

She had a point. Hiccup sighed. Astrid certainly was prone to her own refreshing interpretation of the rules.

Grimly, Astrid took the plunge and pulled back his pants as far as their position would allow, exposing his pale freckly underbits, his fluffy testicles, and his short hard penis, which twitched and drooled upon contact with the cold air.

She felt him shudder with chill and shame inside the grip of her legs, covering his head with his arms. “Astrid…”  
image

She’d never been much interested in this part of him before, truth be told. It was a pleasant surprise. Not disgusting or awful at all. Everything was pale and clean, he certainly had no vagina (he had a funny smooth lump instead) and the shallow place between his flat little buttocks was lined in a thin, soft, barely-gingery fluff like a baby chick.

Indeed, although butts were not something she voluntarily thought about often, it was certainly difficult for her to imagine how one could possibly be…prettier. Indeed, ‘pretty’ was not even an adjective she would’ve ever considered.

And wasn’t just because she was biased, either.

Hiccup flopped his legs forlornly. “Could you please not… stare at me? I mean, what if someone stops by the shop and you’ve got me all…?”

“True,” Astrid agreed. “Though they’d probably be pleasantly surprised.”

“Astrid…”

She squeezed his thigh, adjusting her grip on the drift. She snorted. “I wonder if this will even fit. Your hole’s so tiny.” She resisted the urge to give his delicate-looking little pink wink a playful poke, remembering at the last moment that that would be kind of gross. Despite how clean and new it appeared, she was pretty sure he’d probably used it for SOMETHING at some point. She wrinkled her nose in grim fascination.

Hiccup’s breath caught in his throat, and once again he writhed in vain to try to see what she was doing up there. “W-what are you trying to shove in there?! I would… really actually like to have my butt intact for tomorrow, if that isn’t too much to ask.” He was trying to talk over it, but she could still feel him trembling.

She considered it again for his sake. “It’s just a drift. The smoothest one I could find. It’s not really that thick, I promise.” She smiled a little. It’d be a lie if she said she wasn’t taking some kind of predatory pleasure from all this. “Isn’t this sort of thing what a drift’s for anyway? Stretching little holes?”

“Not MY holes!” Hiccup choked, tugging anxiously at his own hair. “Great. Just– just wonderful. Hahh….”

“Are you ready?” Astrid asked, touching the oily tip of the tool to his dent.

“No–! I don’t really think I’ll ever be– Oh, it’s COLD…!” He started as she touched him, and Astrid had to wrap her arm around one of his legs to keep him from squirming too much. “Ohhhh, for Thor’s sake…You can’t put that in me if it’s not greased up!”

“It IS greased up,” she explained patiently. “I scraped the butter off your lunch.”

“Oh…thanks, Astrid!” he groaned.

“Don’t mention it.” She smirked, cocking the drift against him again. It was about time to get this started. “I’m pushing it in now. You should probably NOT jerk around or anything.”

She didn’t have to tell him twice. The moment he felt the pressure, he turned into a hissing, trembling two-by-four.

It was actually a lot more difficult than she expected to slip it inside him. It didn’t help that her own hands were shaking and she was surprisingly hesitant to push TOO hard.

“You need to let me know if I’m hurting you,” she pointed out, gently trying to wriggle the narrow tip inside. Dainty as he looked, it seemed impossible that he could actually be this tight.

“You’re not…yet…” he muttered.

“Are you sure?” She gave the tool a little push, which didn’t seem all that effective. “Because you’re all… squeezed up.”

He panted nervously. “That might have more to do with the fact that I don’t actually want… things shoved inside me.”

“The faster you let me get to the bottom of this, the faster I’ll leave you alone, okay?” she grunted. “Just… relax.”

“Uuuughh…” Hiccup moaned, flushing bright red as the pun was certainly not lost on him, but he got the message and made an honest attempt to let himself breathe.

Something about it must’ve worked, or maybe Astrid’s wriggling of it had simply prevailed, because all at once an inch or two of the drift glided right inside, making Hiccup choke with surprise.

“…Did that hurt?!” Astrid asked hastily, almost as surprised as he was.

“No– I mean, a little… It’s just really COLD.” Even as he said it, the metal seemed to begin to warm up inside him. He shuddered, trying to jam his face through the floorboards with embarrassment. “Ooogh… It feels really… hard. And thick. Mmmff…”

“Is that okay?” It was kind of hard for her not to laugh.

“None of this is okay…” he mumbled, wringing at his hair. “It doesn’t HURT, if that’s what you mean.”

It was fascinating, really; if Astrid watched closely, she could sort of see his body squeezing uncertainly around its intruder as he felt it inside of him, even feel the tug of his muscles against the metal.

Carefully, she began to slide it slowly deeper, hearing him give a weak gasp.

“AstridAstridAstrid…! Astrid– don’t!” he whined, giving a squirm. “Don’t move it!”

“Why? What happens if I move it?”

Of course, she went ahead and tried, pushing a little further to find a snug bit of his insides that seemed to make a jolt run through him she passed it.

“What was that?” she asked, pausing curiously. She couldn’t get a good look at his face either, but she could certainly feel him gasping in her grasp, making strange noises.

“Mm– Hah! That was– ” he cringed, “that was n-noooothing!”

“Are you sure? Because it kind of felt like… something.” Curiously, she drew the tool back slightly, tipped it at a slight angle, and slid it deeper again.

“Aaah-STRID!” he yowled. Oh Thor oh Thor oh Thor oh, oh my g– !” This time she actually watched his penis twitch, pouring out a dollop of clear stuff onto the floor. His belly went all tight and he seemed to be having a hard time breathing and he was sort of clawing at the ground.

“Oh wow…! That’s the spot, isn’t it?” Hiccup had been right. It WAS stupidly easy to locate.

“Ye– Astrid, you found it–! Gre– great!” he gasped. “Now can we just– Do we really have to keep–?!”

He shivered as Astrid drew back the tool again. “We can’t stop until we know for sure whether or not it works! So should I just– ?” She began gently sliding the tool slowly, smoothly, in and out, keeping it at that angle that seemed to work so well.

“OhhhhHH! Astrid, no!” Hiccup wailed helplessly. “Hahhhh, Astrid, come on, AstridAstrid– if you keep–!!” The sensation was so strange; each thrust sent tingles all through his belly, made his hairs stand on end, squeezed liquid out of his poor twitching prick as if literally milking him from the inside. “Astrid,” he squealed. “I– am! D-D-on’t!! If you keep d-doing that, I really am gonna–!!”

All because she was shoving something up his butt. He couldn’t believe it. This had to be the worst design flaw ever, apart from putting testicles on the outside. And the worst part was Astrid KNEW about it!

Astrid was mostly in awe, but admittedly she was also trying very hard not to laugh. She did understand that this was a serious situation for him, but perhaps that was part of what was so adorable about it. “Hiccup, you don’t really want me to stop, do you?”

Hiccup whimpered pathetically as the drift made what could only have been its eighth or ninth pass, the drizzle from his prick just one long viscous line from his body to the stool to the floor now. “I– I don’t want to– I don’t want it to make me– ohhhaaammnnnNN!”

She sighed, shaking her head, and deviously pumped it into him faster. Might as well put the poor thing out of his misery.

“What are you do-OING?! No, no, no, no, Astriiiid!” he whined. He protested, even as his back was arching and twisting hungrily against each thrust. “You can’t just–!! You’re going to make me– you’re going to make me– It’s going to-ooo!! Aaaaghhh…. Ohhhhh!!”

She’d never seen that much come out of him at once. His body jerked in her grip as he pumped out rope after rope of seeds onto the floor and then dribbled onto the stool, where it soaked delightfully into her pants as he limpened.

Carefully she extracted the tool. It was much easier to slide out than it had been to push it in, and as she drew it out with a sort of gross pop, his spent penis gave yet another halfhearted dribble. It hadn’t taken more than maybe four inches and maybe fifteen thrusts of the drift to get the job done.

Astrid sighed, shaking her head. “So it IS true.” She patted his thigh affectionately. “And you just came without anyone touching your penis. Just like big strong rams and bulls and bull-Gronckles can, huh?”  
“Uuughhh…” Hiccup groaned, covering his head in his arms.

She snorted. “I’m going to have trouble believing that didn’t feel any good.”

“It… felt pretty good,” he grudgingly admitted.

“Are you going to be able to use your legs if I put them down?” She didn’t know how much longer she could share this stool with a puddle of Hiccup-nog.

“No.”

Sighing, she picked up his legs, dragged him sideways so he wouldn’t be lying in his own mess, and then laid him down on the ground. She wiped her brow, then cast a glance around for the mop.

“Astrid…” Hiccup might as well have been a corpse, his hair all rifled between his fingers and his coat in a fluffy hump over the small of his back, his pants not quite pulled up, nor his shirt quite pulled down.

“Yeah?” She considered what to do with the adventurous drift, then let it drop next to the rest of the mess. That was enough to make Hiccup turn his head a little and open his eye out of curiosity. He hadn’t ever got a chance to see what she’d been shoving into him.

“Well first off, Gobber’s not going to be happy you used that one. I’m pretty sure that one's… Beatrice.”

“How’s Gobber going to know? Just put it back.” Astrid splashed a little water onto the floor and started trying to mop everything up.

“Gross, Astrid.”

“Or burn it! Whatever you like.” She slopped a little mop water onto it, shaking her head.

“Second off..” Hiccup turned his head a little more, sort of grabbing at his coat as if it were a hood around his ears. “What happens if you shove something up a GIRL’s butt?”

“She’ll stab you in the face, probably,” she answered drolly. “I don’t think anyone hid any stupid organs up OUR butts. We’re much more practical that way.”

“And how can you be sure?”

She flicked a little mop water so that it landed close to his head. “Well, I can go to the bathroom without getting turned on, for starters.”

He made an ugly sound as his laugh took him by surprise. “For Thor’s sa–! I don't– That’s REALLY not how it– works! Astrid–! Hah! I mean, I guess I could see why you'd–” He shook himself. “Anyway,” he straightened himself, as dignified as a tiny, ruffled corpse with its pants partway down and its coat wrapped around its ears can be, “I propose a follow-up experiment. It’s only fair.”

Astrid heaved a long sigh, giving him a hard look. She was a tough customer on the best of days, but fairness did mean a lot to her. And he WAS adorable. A goofy smile almost came to her face, but she strangled it into a somewhat garbled, stern expression. “We can talk. Keep in mind I just gave you the climax of your life AND cleaned up everything afterwards.”

“Of course.”

“So it can’t just be the torture bit.”

“Not at all.”

She gave a sort of disgusted smile. “What would be your tool of choice for that sort of thing anyway?”

He peered upward unassumingly. “I was thinking something somewhat springier than a taper drift.”

She choked. “Oh my go– ! Hiccup! Pff!” She flung the damp towel she’d just wiped the stool off with at his head.

Laughing in disbelief, shaking her head, she propped the mop and bucket against the wall.

“Hey! Think about it!” he called after as she left.

He sighed, legs still all tingly and useless, glancing at the halfheartedly washed Beatrice out of the corner of his eye.

Mercifully, Hiccup did not opt to burn the taper drift. Gobber would, however, still mourn its absence later, finding Beatrice missing upon his return.


	3. Fair's Fair

“I don't know… You let it get too big!”

“It's– you really think? I can't help it...” Hiccup squirmed, trying to make it clear that he was quite concerned with how she felt. It was difficult because he was also very, very excited. “It just feels… really nice.”

Astrid bit her lip, determined to seem more disgruntled than anxious as she smeared butter onto his eager prick, which was twitching like the rest of him with an all-too-vibrant enthusiasm. “I'm serious! All I put in YOUR butt was a taper drift. I don't know how you expect THIS to fit.”

Hiccup considered himself curiously. “I know it's a little different… But I thought you said it would be okay.”

He gave a start as she carefully pressed the ice-cold flat of the butter knife to the underside of his prick, which came as a surprise since she'd been using her warm fingers beforehand. 

“When I said it'd be okay, I was thinking of how big it USUALLY is, and that was me being generous.” She wrinkled her nose, giving his penis a couple more strokes with the cold knife to see if she could get it to shrink back at all. “I didn't realize that this was something you were going to GROW half an inch over.”

“Hahhh… Me either,” Hiccup blushed awkwardly, feeling himself remaining swollen tight even against the cold metal. It felt good. 

“Why are you so excited about THIS of all things?” she wrinkled her nose. “You don't think it's sort of gross?” 

“I don't know. Maybe a little...” he admitted, squirming uncomfortably. “I mean… it's worth it,” he suggested with a cough, “to be inside you, I mean.”

Although they'd been messing around for a long while now, he'd only had the actual privilege a handful of times, and the idea still made him hot and giddy and dizzy. 

Astrid set down the knife and just stared for a moment, shaking her head. “I… really don't know if that's going to fit inside… there. Like that.” 

“Oh.” Hiccup felt his lusciously greasy prick give a forlorn twitch. “You don't…? You really think it's too… big?” He blinked, helplessly curious. “I just– That isn't a problem I ever thought I'd have.”

She shoved him playfully. “Who else are you stuffing it into that keeps telling you it's small? I don't think I ever have. Or meant it...” She poked again at it, inspecting it. “I guess I could see how you'd have trouble seducing a dragon, maybe, or a yak…!” 

“A-Astrid!” He squirmed uncomfortably, trying not to laugh. “There's nobody! I d-don't–! Hahh! That's really– ugh– I mean....” He bit his lip. It was agony being this hard, with so little contact. He swallowed anxiously, giving an unconscious, useless twitch as if that would entice something to squeeze up all around him. “I– might have to go try though, if, I mean, you don't think– …”

Indeed he was almost so aroused that maybe rutting an animal wouldn't have been so bad.   
Astrid snorted in a sort of disgusted, delighted surprise, and gave him a biff on the ribs. “Fine! Sheesh! Gods forbid you let that thing make you do anything stupid!” She hissed, shaking her head reluctantly as she gave the throbbing thing another glance over. “You can TRY it. But you have to go slow. And if it doesn't fit, I'm going to make you stop.” She caressed his twitchy freckly little hips. “I know you're all crazy right now, but I'm not going to be happy if you tear me up.”

Hiccup nodded frantically, wincing as she touched his hungry skin. “Yes, yes… please. I– I don't want to hurt you, Astrid. I just…Mmn…Please…Let me...” 

His clever little fingers touched eagerly at her shoulders, and Astrid gave a somewhat shaky sigh, leaning back cautiously, starting to work her pants down under her skirt. “How do you… want to…?” she asked.

He bit his lip. “I- I think probably from– behind would… work better. For this. Don't you?” He blushed hard.

“Uuugh. I guess so...” she murmured uncertainly, turning reluctantly to her hands and knees. “Just don't make me regret it.” They hadn't done it much, but she was under the impression that Hiccup had started to be particularly fond of this position, which kept her dangerous limbs nicely occupied with bearing their weight and the activity free of awkward eye contact, perhaps mimicking the comfort of being perched dragonback. 

It did seem to be the perfect position for this particular experiment of course, but Astrid took it grudgingly all the same. Hiccup tended to be quite a bit bolder when he knew she couldn't watch his face, and she figured he was counting on that this time in particular. 

Hiccup shuffled into place between her legs, eagerly flopping back the tendrils of her skirt to reveal her lovely pink behind and perfectly-grippable hips, trembling happily. He couldn't resist the impulse to press his throbbing prick against her as quickly as possible, sort of at the place between each of her inviting pink holes, the way one might put a flag onto an island to claim it as one's own. Yes, that looked perfect. His! All his! All for him! 

“Hiccup, that isn't–” Astrid squirmed uncomfortably, his penis burning hot and weirdly oily against her. “Are you going to need help finding it, or–?” 

“Oh, whaa– ?” Hiccup shook himself a little, trying to climb back on top of his fluffy cloud of euphoria. “N– no, I'm just… I can see it! Hahhh... See?” Shakily, he pushed his tip up against the snug entrance, gulping hard. Already it was so different, drier and unyielding, certainly not swallowing him eagerly inside like her wonderful hot quim might. Something about that, the idea that he might need to.. . PURSUADE his way inside, made it all the more thrilling, and he choked as his stomach flip-flopped at the prospect. 

Astrid sniffed, giving a jump as he shoved against it with a sudden accuracy, tensing ticklishly against him. “Gods, you're so–!! Are you sure you're even going to make it?” She could feel him throbbing so hard it was almost like his little prick was bouncing. “I bet you're going to just splurt all over my back, aren't you? You kind of sound like you are.” 

To be truthful, she was kind of hoping he would, even though she knew he'd only beg her again and again until he finally got the chance to do it inside. 

“What? No! Don't be– I'm NOT going to just--” Hiccup protested stubbornly, biting his lip. “Probably…” He gripped her hips determinedly. “I- I mean, I'll just have to get INSIDE, before I–!” With that, he gave a spirited thrust, which sent his greasy penis slipping upward over her back– and immediately after, another, careening off the snug opening and on across her left buttock. 

“Hey, hey, hey!!” Astrid shouted, trying to swat at him. “Slow! Go slow! You're getting butter all over me! And if you break my butt, I swear to Thor I WILL happily return the favor!” She steeled herself fiercely, shaking as she resisted the urge to try to elbow him square in the stupid face. “SLOW!”

“Ermm,” he whined softly, chewing his lip hard. “S-slow, right. Slow. I just…” He swallowed a huge breath, his arousal almost too much to bear, but carefully he gripped himself and puuuuushed sloooowly against her tight-shut hole… 

Astrid started unpleasantly as he SLIPPED again, downward, this time covering her pubic hair in butter. She took a deep breath, then slooowly released it, giving a defiant squirm. “Well! There you go, see? It's not going to fit! Just get o– OH-F!!”

Completely out of nowhere, she felt Hiccup's clever little buttery squirmy fingernail chewing its way into her snug, protesting hole, slipping in past resistance and wriggling curiously in the vice grip of muscle. 

Astrid didn't think she should even breathe. “What… are you… DOING?!” Surely he was too squeamish to actually be–!

“I've just gotta…. Stretch it a little, is all…!” Hiccup bit his tongue determinedly, sliding the first finger out a little, then trying to squeeze a second finger in alongside it, nudging in some excess butter to make everything all slippery. Thor's nosehairs, but she was SNUG! He was too busy trying not to let himself go off at the very thought of those fist-tight muscles choking his hungry prick numb to even care what his fingers might smell like when he was through. 

“Ohh, Thor! Oh, for Thor's–!” Astrid cursed and choked to herself, but she could feel those tickly fingers stretching her pleadingly, spreading her with oil, opening her up. It was just… so SENSITIVE. She wasn't sure what to even think about it.

“There, see?” Hiccup trembled excitedly, wriggling his fingers and able to hold open the warm little hole somewhat now. “I'm gonna… Astrid, I'm going to try to… put it in now, okay??”

She could feel him nudging hungrily, unable to lift his naughty little prick from the heat of her backside, now sliding eagerly into place. She swallowed hard, gripping hard at the ground. “Just– just go slow!”

“Slow…” he whispered, stretching the opening enough to sneak his sly little tip inside before withdrawing his fingers. “Ohmp– !” It was almost painfully tight. Almost too late he remembered to be gentle, which took all of his concentration as he worked himself in with tiny jerks, deeper and deeper. “It'sss soo ho-ooh-ttt…” he hissed, with a violent shudder. “Ohhhh, Astrid… It feels…” He paused a little. “Does it… hurt?”

For some reason this concern surprised her, and she opened an eye mid-wince. “Um, a little, yeah… It feels really, um, big. Ow…” She surprised herself, wriggling grudgingly against his pressure. “You can't just hold it like that though. Either move it or...Mmm!” 

He gave another nudge, pushing his thickest bit through, and both of them gasped as the rest of him was swallowed in all at once, sucking him in up to the hilt. 

Hastily Hiccup curled the rest of his body over the top of her, soft boy-tummy pressed over her back, his greedy hands burying tight against her soft chest, his warm humid gasps shuddering into her hair. It was so hot and tight, clenching suffocatingly around him, and he knew he didn't belong there, that he'd probably be cooked and crushed for it. He gave a joyfully defiant squirm inside her that made her tense around him in a way he'd never felt before, then another hungry, possessive JAB– this hole was for HIM!– the unrelenting constriction around his tip filling his nerves up with tingling stars. 

There was a sensation sort of as if his penis was a hard little egg squeezed to bursting, and he sort of hiccuped in disbelief as he felt his relentless hardness suddenly give way to a gooey mess. 

Astrid wriggled curiously, feeling a sudden flood of heat, a sudden uncomfortable awareness of liquid and air bubbles in her bowels. “You… you just came already, didn't you?” she choked in an amused relief, feeling him melting somewhat into the slippery pool of seeds. 

“No,” the tiny boy grumbled stubbornly, gripping her hard and refusing to remove himself. “That wasn't… anything.” 

“Oh,” snorted Astrid. She shook herself, feeling him clinging to stay in place within her now-slippery hole. “Because it really, really feels like you did.”

“Yeah, well...” he mumbled softly, giving an awkward, rather squishy thrust. “I'm not finished yet.” He didn't want to be. His body didn't want to be, either. He purred softly, squeezing into her again, his own mess making movement so gutwrenchingly easy inside now. 

Astrid squirmed underneath him, feeling him continue to prod, which rather surprised her. Usually at this point he would be limp and trying hard not to fall asleep. “You're… Are you really still hard??!” 

“I– I think so… Umpf...” He poked again. He WAS still hard. He could feel it, the snug tunnel, silky with seeds, sucking him easily back to life, each hesitant stroke making him longer and thicker and stiffer again. “See? I was just… making it easier...” Stroke, stroke… Hiccup swallowed, bit his lip thoughtfully, but could not stop. “Does it– is it okay??” 

“Does it matter?” she pointed out, wincing but patiently steeling herself under him as he pushed into her experimentally. 

“No… I mean, YES... I mean… Mmmnn… Astrid….” he fumbled anxiously.

She snorted. “It doesn't really hurt anymore...” She wrinkled her nose. “It's… It mostly feels like I have to poop.”

“Oh,” he mumbled softly, hesitating slightly. 

She pushed against him. “It's not so bad now that it's all… slippery.” It wasn't, though it felt sort of wrong and wet and made her flush red, feeling like she was on the edge of some sort of disaster. There didn't seem to be a way to tell whether his movement was making things worse or holding everything back, and it was sort of intense and ticklish, his slippery seeds sort of sloshing around as he moved. 

She wanted to whine. Or punch something. Her face squinched up as she tried to hold back both. 

Hiccup buried his face sort of into her neck and hair. It felt hot and huffy and sort of wet. “Mffff…” he murmured softly against her, giving another hesitant, but persistent thrust. “If you feel like, mmmn, you want to kill me or something, I understand.” 

“Not yet…” she sighed, arching uncomfortably against him, but finding herself itching for a more satisfactory kind of movement. She squirmed, making strange faces that she was glad he couldn't see. Imagine him finding out his dumb prick had that kind of power. “It's… It's really better if you move i-i-it– ow!”

Hiccup slid back sheepishly. “...Ow?” 

“I think I can… handle it. Just try to get it over with before I throw you off,” she growled, jamming back against him and sucking in a gasp of instant regret. 

He clung to her hungrily, giving a more eager thrust. “...Is that a challenge?” 

“How many seconds do you need?” she inquired drolly through her teeth. 

Hiccup figured his penis could answer better than his tongue, and promptly let her know what he thought of that jab with a few jabs of his own. 

“Ah-AH– Hiccup, for Thor's sake–!!”

His tummy filled with excited butterflies. It was so euphoric to be FELT! To be INSIDE places he shouldn't be! To be male and pump his precious seeds into wherever he saw fit, even inside this reluctant wrong hole where could do it again and again and again and never worry about them ever taking root. He started pumping steadily, slowly at first, then faster and faster. 

Each eager jab engulfed him in a sort of throbbing bliss, feeling the tightness forced open around him, feeling her insides thrum and tense around him as she yowled in response. The shreds of his consideration melted away as he began to force himself in and out in earnest, giving in to his hidden primal lust. 

Astrid's eyes bulged and she trembled as she tried to bear it. When he thrust this quickly, this HARD, it sort of hurt, left no time to breathe or recover, made her cry out despite her every effort to choke back the sound. But she couldn't bring herself to make the happy boy stop, no. It was as if he was desperately, desperately drilling to find a way through her squishy pitiful insides to henceforth undiscovered erogenous zones buried deep, dimly just beyond his reach, ecstasy residing just beyond the pain. 

Was it even possible for this to feel GOOD? To even make her…? 

Underneath him, he became all weight and heat and movement, clinging paws and puffs of hot breath against her neck and happy, sort of high-pitched noises of satisfaction. It was all too easy to imagine him as something else, a greedy little Terror or a young ram, some stupid animal that didn't know any better than to mount and rut, whatever species, whatever hot hole it could fit inside. 

She supposed he couldn't be much different in the end. What could you expect from a boy-thing? 

The idea was helplessly erotic. Without needing to think about it, she found it easy enough to support his weight with one arm as she drew her fingers between her legs with the other. The added stimulation, unsteady from the constant motion, made her bite her lip and hiss. “Yesyesyesss…!”

Hiccup was barely aware of any change; the part of his brain that comprehended words seemed to be down, but he did hear the most satisfying whimpers, his prick already twinging with elation, his hips trembling from the relentless effort but unable to stop. It wasn't going to be much longer now... He nuzzled hard against her neck, his gasping mouth against her skin. He didn't have enough brain function to nip or taste. 

Trembling hard, Astrid found that by sliding her fingers into herself, she could feel his pressure in the most unique way from the other side, shoving and shoving and– 

Hiccup's breath caught in his throat as he felt her insides FLICKER in a new way all around him, clamping down HARD. The sensation of tugging back through these relentless squeezes proved too much for him, and on his next plunge inside he found himself wailing pathetically as he exploded again inside her, clinging so hard to her body in his efforts to curl around her and be as deep as possible that his knees had drawn up between her thighs. 

The violent jerking almost made her fall over, shaky as she had become herself. Her pectorals ached as she tried to maintain control, sinking slowly to her chest. Hiccup going limp all at once sent her listing to the side and they collapsed together, panting, throbbing and sweating. 

She felt his prick melt away to nothing this time, leaving behind a disconcerting lack of pressure. Her belly ached and she felt uncomfortably full of gurgling air and liquid, which she could feel burbling out of her confused, beaten hole around him all on its own with a horrible wet sensation that felt exactly like an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. “Uuughh.” She squeezed her head in her shaky arms in shame, hoping that was only seeds sliding out. Maybe he'd ruined her forever and she'd never close up properly ever again. She'd never forgive him. 

Every part of Hiccup had instantly died except his greedy arms, which fumbled weakly to keep him pulled against her, fingers buried in her breasts. She could feel sweet little pants and his tiny heartbeat slowly returning to normal. Still alive, then, somehow. 

Astrid squirmed, but she knew there was no real chance at freedom. The last time he'd clung to her like this he'd suggested she just put her pants back on over him and go on with her day. Even so, she couldn't relax with her insides gurgling like this, the unpleasant sensations of bubbles and wetness uncontrollably squeezing out from time to time as her innards rearranged themselves. 

“Mmm...” Hiccup murmured softly into her hair, thankfully sooner than expected. “What was that…?”

“What was what?” 

“At the end… you squeezed all up…” He shivered. It had been a euphoric sensation for him, but… “Did I hurt you??”

“Ohh… that.” Astrid blushed, as if she could get any redder. “No, Hiccup. I mean… it didn't REALLY hurt. That was me… um. It was getting really… strong, so I– touched myself and… pushed it along.” 

“Ohhh…!” Hiccup's insides fluttered unexpectedly. “So you DID like it…! I was...” he snorted sheepishly. “I…was kind of worried.”

She tried to elbow him, but wasn't all too successful. “Oh, were you?”

He groaned, gripping her tighter, knowing he was safest squeezed tight against her back. “Shhh. I think you owed me, a little.”

“Pff!!” Astrid scoffed. “And how much are YOU going to owe ME for breaking my butt??”

“Wha–??! Breaking your– ??” He squirmed curiously, feeling his limp self slipping around, ears pinkening as he felt the tickle of a hot gush burble against him. “It isn't BROKEN… You know I'm not big enough to… Hahhh…”

“Don't MOVE like that!!” she yowled anxiously, feeling like everything was just going to spill out if he did. 

“Okay, okay!!” He was all too content to remain inside. “I mean… I'm just saying, it… doesn't FEEL, um, broken.” In spite of himself he gave another evaluating squirm. “In fact, I think it's already… springing back just fine… Mmf.” He moved again. 

Astrid grit her teeth. “I swear to Thor… if you get hard again...”

“Hah…. I don't think I CAN, Astrid… Not yet…” Hiccup shivered happily at the idea regardless, giving another curious stroke in spite of himself. “Oops… Uh...” This was all the more it took for his limp member slip right on out on its own with a slight pop.

“Hic– cup! I told you not to–!!” Astrid wailed, covering her face as she felt another disconcerting change of pressure. There was an unpleasant wet sensation as the largest of the air bubbles escaped, spilling steaming hot liquid she hoped to Freya was Hiccup-seeds alone out over her thigh. 

Hiccup let himself remained pinned to her back, blinking awkwardly. “Sorry...Are you okay?”

Slowly, Astrid parted an eyelid, afraid to look, and evaluated the disaster. Thankfully it appeared to indeed be mostly Hiccup's milky contribution, if a bit unpleasantly discolored. She exhaled in relief, wrinkling her nose regardless. “I guess so…” she murmured. 

“...Thanks, Astrid,” he murmured awkwardly after a while, his body limp and warm against her, slime and all.

She put her hand over his firmly, apparently dozing off quicker than he was for once. “Quit making it all weird,” she grumbled, adjusting him like a 90-pound, somewhat slimy blanket. 

Hiccup relaxed happily against her, shutting his eyes blissfully as he took in the smell of her hair and the heat of her strong body against his belly.

She hadn't killed him yet. That was always a good sign.


End file.
